Advent is one of our favorite times of the year! Sure, it can be chaotic, but we’ve learned that if we make a plan, and focus on the reason for the season (preparing for the birth of Jesus AND for eternity), it can be really beautiful.
You’ve probably heard us say it before, but Advent and marriage have a special link—both point us toward heaven. So it’s the perfect time to make sure you’re keeping your marriage a priority! We wanted to share 2 ideas on how you can do exactly that during Advent this year.
Idea #1: Do one thing for your marriage each day of Advent
Get the 2025 version of our Advent calendar and guide that includes a challenge for each day of Advent. For details, see this post. This year the challenge is only available to paying subscribers on our Substack!
Idea #2: Have a weekly date night during Advent
A Journey Through Advent for Catholic Couples provides a weekly date night with suggested Scripture passages, a reflection, discussions questions, a prayer, and activities to do together. It’s like an Advent devotional and marriage challenge all in one! For details, see this post.
Do one thing for your marriage this Advent
Even if you don’t choose either of those ideas (no hard feelings!), we encourage you to pick one thing to do during Advent together!
Holy Week is the last week of Lent and the perfect time to fully prepare ourselves for the gift of Easter Sunday. It is very easy to give up on whatever sacrifices we might have already been slacking on, but we like to see Holy Week as a time to really dig in. Do more than you were already doing! And we like to do it together to hold each other accountable.
We have a post on what Catholic couples can do during Lent but wanted to share specific ideas just for Holy Week. You can watch our video or read the post below it! Here we go…
What Catholic couples can do during Holy Week
1. Have a “Holy Week of Darkness.”
Some friends of ours have been doing this for years! They spend the entire week in candlelight in anticipation of the Easter Vigil when the Paschal candle is the only light in the church. Read this post for their experience.
Although we haven’t done a full Holy Week of Darkness, we do limit screens in a big way. We don’t watch much TV, if any. We try not to get on our phones as much. We do our best to unplug so we can embrace the silence and listen to what God is telling us.
3. Go to Confession.
Frequent reception of the Sacrament of Reconciliation has been a game changer for our marriage. It’s especially important to go to confession during Lent, to better prepare yourself for celebrating the Paschal Mystery. So if you haven’t gone already (or even if you have), make it a priority during Holy Week. (Check with your church/priest as soon as possible because hours may be limited later in the week.)
4. Fast most of the week.
A priest challenged us to do this a few years ago, and it was honestly the best Holy Week we ever had up to that point— and that was in 2020 when there were no public Masses! We fasted on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday (he told us to skip Holy Thursday). Fasting really does draw you closer to Jesus. If you can’t fast from food (i.e. due to pregnancy), fast from something else.
The Easter Triduum is the most sacred three days of the year. Take advantage of the beautiful liturgies on Holy Thursday, Good Friday, and Holy Saturday. You will appreciate even more the gift Jesus gave us through the ultimate sacrifice on the cross. (Why yes, we even take our kids to the extra long Easter Vigil Mass! Our boys actually love it.)
6. Wash each other’s feet on Holy Thursday.
On the day that Jesus washed the feet of His apostles, take some time to wash each other’s feet. It was one of Jesus’ last acts on Earth to remind us that we are to love and sacrifice for each other. It can also be an intimate moment between husband and wife. (See John 13:1-20 for Jesus’ words about the washing of feet.)
7. Keep the day very solemn on Good Friday.
Unfortunately, Good Friday has become a very popular day to have crawfish boils (at least down here in Louisiana) and to celebrate. Go against the tide! Don’t do anything extravagant on this day. Keep screens off, fast, and remember that this is the day Jesus suffered and died on the cross to save us from our sins. If doing a Holy Week of Darkness is a little intimidating, start with just Good Friday. Leave the lights off all day and use candles when necessary.
8. Pray the Stations of the Cross.
The Stations of the Cross is a popular devotion during Lent (but can and should totally be done outside of Lent too!). Attend the Way of the Cross at your church if it’s available, or make your own stations in your backyard or living room. Maybe even find an outdoor Stations of the Cross to walk through together. We’ve even prayed the stations while walking to different churches in New Orleans —see our video of that here.
Whatever you do during Holy Week, remember to draw close to Jesus together. Be thankful for all of the gifts God has given you, and when Easter comes, rejoice!
It’s hard to believe, but Surprised By Marriage has been around since 2018! We used to be pretty active on YouTube, but jobs, hurricanes, and another baby got us out of the rhythm. Consider this our reboot! We are really hoping to be consistent with videos again, because we have so much fun filming them, and we’ve had people tell us they miss them!
In this video, we’re sharing about how we first started dating and how things went wrong on our honeymoon…and how that eventually led us to start this online marriage ministry. We share the double meaning behind the name, Surprised By Marriage! Please subscribe to our channel and click the bell to get notified when we post a new video.
If you have any suggestions for a future video topic, let us know! Comment below or send us a message.
This is a part of a series where I review a recent marriage book that I’ve read. I will do my best to be honest and constructive! This post does contain affiliate link(s). If you click through and make a purchase, we may receive a small commission. Read our privacy policy for more information.
The Discernment of Spirits in Marriage
Discernment of Spiritswas written well before Discernment of Spirits in Marriage, but I just so happened to read them both for the first time in 2020. Fr. Timothy Gallagher is known for making St. Ignatius of Loyola’s Rules for Discernment more understandable for lay people, and I found Discernment of Spirits immensely helpful in my spiritual life. So when I learned a marriage version came out, I was really excited. Because I reread Discernment of Spirits in Marriagelast year, I wanted to share my thoughts about it!
A good intro or refresher to the Rules of St. Ignatius
Both times I read the book, I really thought an alternative title could be: “Discernment of Spirits for Dummies”. The rules are much more understandable in the marriage book, because Fr Timothy translates the original language from St. Ignatius into a more contemporary version. If you struggled reading Discernment of Spirits, honestly try reading Discernment of Spirits in Marriage, and you just may understand the rules better. It was a good refresher for me, but I also think it would be a good introduction to the Rules of Discernment solely because of the easier language.
I actually think anyone could read this book, married or not. Although Fr. Timothy uses “Mark and Anne” as the couple who is growing in their faith journey and learning about the Rules of Discernment, their experiences could be relevant to anyone. I did appreciate, though, seeing how a husband and wife might support each other and share things with each other.
The dialogue was…not realistic
My least favorite part of the book is probably the dialogue between Mark and Anne. While I understand the reasoning behind sharing conversations between them, I thought much of the dialogue comes across as cheesy. I kept thinking, “Nobody talks like that!” I should mention that I reread this with friends, and I wasn’t the only one who felt that way.
Regardless of that, I think it’s worth the read, especially if you’re not familiar with the Rules of Discernment. Everyone should be aware of how the enemy works and why God sometimes allows dryness and desolation in our spiritual lives. If you’re well versed in the Rules of Discernment already, you might find this a bit subpar. (A priest I know didn’t care for it.) But I’m thinking Fr. Gallagher was trying to reach as many people as possible — at least I hope so. And if that’s the case, I can understand why it was written this way.
Couples can help each other in the spiritual life!
What I probably love most about this book is how it has the potential to make couples realize how we can encourage each other in the spiritual life, which is SO important in marriage. After all, we’re trying to get each other to heaven.
TL;DR: It’s an easy and quick read that is worth your time if you can get past the cheesy dialogue. Even though it’s written with married couples in mind, likely anybody can read it and find it relevant. If you’re well versed in the Rules of Discernment, though, you might want to pass on this one and stick with Fr. Gallagher’s first book…unless you just really want to see the rules in action in a marriage.
**Febuary 2026 update: Looking for our 2026 Lent challenge?? Stay tuned! Check YouTube for updates or sign up for our Substack emails!**
For the fifth year in a row, we are offering this Lent Challenge for Catholic Marriages! (We’ve been doing the Advent one for even longer!) Do one thing for your marriage each day of Lent.
We’ve really seen the power of connecting in small ways on a regular basis, and we also choose one thing to do together during Lent every year, so this challenge was inspired by both of those. For each day of Lent, we provide a challenge for you to complete. The challenges range from fun to spiritual and all of the things in between!
The complete challenge above includes both a calendar of the challenges (this year includes March and April), as well as a guide that explains each challenge and gives suggestions on how to complete it. If you’ve done our challenges before, using just the calendar works just fine! If you’ve never done our Lent or Advent challenge (or it’s been awhile), we suggest purchasing at least the guide since that gives more information. The calendar and bundle that includes the calendar does also have a blank version of the calendar, so you can either use it as your Lenten plan or to switch up the challenges to better suit your schedule.
Personally, we choose to laminate the calendar with challenges and put it in our bathroom so we can see it every day. Then we refer to the guide when needed! Just figure out what works best for you. It really is meant to be a simple way to connect every day and to keep your marriage a priority during the most solemn time of the year.
If you’re looking for other ideas on what to do as a Catholic couple this year, check out our massive list here!
Regardless of what you choose, we just want to encourage you to lean in together, to grow closer to God and to each other. The sacrifices we make during this season have an eternal weight! And the more we focus on the pillars of Lent (prayer, fasting, and almsgiving) and what Jesus did for us on the cross, the greater celebration we will have at Easter. And the glory of the Resurrection should remind us of the end goal of marriage – to help get each other to heaven.
We are praying for all of you! Please pray for us.
We know that may be obvious, but sometimes we can forget. It’s helpful to use the analogy of a garden when it comes to a marriage — we need to tend to it, water it, and help it grow. Only then will it bear fruit. But we know how hard it is sometimes to put it into action, especially amidst all of the various trials that come up in married life. We experience loss, we have miscommunications, and we can easily be overwhelmed by all of the responsibilities we have in life. Let’s be honest: marriage is not easy.
But as many times as we’ve been surprised by the trials of marriage, we’ve also been surprised by the graces God gives us. When we put forth the effort, God blesses it, no matter how small. That’s the inspiration behind Surprised By Grace: Monthly Challenges. Sometimes focusing on the little things in our marriage helps us to work on the big things. Marriage is a marathon, not a sprint. Sometimes we can only work on one thing at a time, and that’s okay!
Pick one theme each month of the year
Surprised By Grace includes 12 monthly challenges (as well as a few extras, which we will explain!). For each month of the year, pick one theme to work on. For each theme, we provide a checklist with a few challenges to complete. Some months have more concrete items while others include concepts to be more aware of. So in general, we suggest trying to check off at least 4 of the following actions throughout the month! Make a goal to do one each week, but you could also aim to complete the entire list. You could also choose to focus on one theme each week vs each month, if you prefer. It’s really up to you how you would like to use these challenges!
Not sure your spouse will do them with you? No problem!
Even though we encourage couples to do these together as much as possible, one spouse can do these alone. You may have to tweak some of them. For example, for Couple Prayer, make praying for your spouse the priority. Although we really encourage you to pray together because spiritual intimacy is the foundation of a marriage, we understand that sometimes a spouse is unwilling. If this is the case for you, pray in a special way that your spouse will be open to praying together.
Another note if you are doing this without your spouse: Do each challenge with love for your spouse, and do not let resentment grow if he/she is not willing to do it with you. Chances are if you really do these challenges, your spouse will notice. Do your part, and let God handle the rest.
The extras for each monthly challenge
In addition to the suggested challenges for each theme, we also provide Scripture verses, Christian songs, and a few date night themes.
Scripture : For each theme, we share 4 passages to help encourage you throughout the month. Look up these verses, pray with them, and write them down where you can see them!
Date Night ideas: For some themes, we share an easy idea for a date. Some are places to go while others are just a simple concept to include in your date. Little things really do make a big difference sometimes!
Music: We share a Christian song that goes with each theme, because we really love music! Some of the songs are specifically about marriage, and some are also Catholic artists.
We suggest hanging your monthly challenge on your fridge, so you can see it regularly and check things off as you go! (That’s what we do with our Date Night Tracker.) And don’t forget that even though it takes work, our marriage vocation is worth the effort. Thankfully God gives us the grace to live it out!
Don’t just be surprised by the work of marriage; be surprised by grace.
This is a new series where I review a recent marriage book that I’ve read. I will do my best to be honest and constructive! This post does contain affiliate link(s). If you click through and make a purchase, we may receive a small commission. Read our privacy policy for more information.
Totally Yours: The Catholic Natural Family Planning Handbook
For the first 15 years of our marriage, I’m not sure there was a comprehensive book about all things Natural Family Family (NFP) — the different methods, why we should use NFP, what exactly the Church teaches, how NFP strengthens marriage, and what’s difficult about using NFP.
Until now! Stephanie M. Kafie, MD reached out to me about reviewing her new book, just released in August 2024, and I was totally game. I mean, just the title, y’all. When we use NFP, we really are telling our spouse, “I’m totally yours.”
It really is a NFP handbook
After reading, I was trying to think if there was anything left out about NFP, and I couldn’t think of anything! Dr. Kafie really did a beautiful job of sharing both the struggles and blessings of NFP, and I appreciated the research shared as well as her frequent quotations of Church teaching. So many people don’t realize the treasure trove of documents that many of our popes have written, so I’m grateful that this book will hopefully encourage couples to read them in their entirety!
Dr. Kafie also stresses the importance of discernment and communication with your spouse, which is something Logan and I feel passionate about in NFP conversations. It is not NFP if you’re not constantly praying about it. NFP is fertility awareness + discernment.
The other thing I really appreciated is how she doesn’t sugarcoat the hard parts of NFP. So much NFP promotion makes it seem like it’s a walk in the park, leaving many couples blindsided by the challenges. This book will prepare you for that, and Dr. Kafie also encourages you that it is well worth it. As I like to say, heaven is worth it.
I’m tempted to share more from a couple of my favorite chapters, but for the sake of brevity, I’ll say I especially loved chapters 5, 8, and 9. The last chapter was also the perfect ending! See the table of contents below.
The addition of testimonies will likely be more helpful for others than they were for me
There are NFP testimonies from other people throughout the book, and some of them were really beautiful witnesses to the struggles and beauty of NFP in marriage. But I have to admit that some of them didn’t really contribute much. That’s just my opinion though; others may really appreciate them!
Many testimonies also seemed to favor the Marquette method, which might be because the author teaches that method. And as someone who is not interested in learning that method (although I understand the appeal), I would have appreciated more testimonies from other methods.
Speaking of the different methods, I personally didn’t like some of the explanations of them (specifically the 2 methods I’ve used) and disagreed with some of the advantages and disadvantages…but I know I’m biased towards my own experience. I prefer how FAbM Base explains the different methods and divides them into categories, so I suggest checking out their Methods Overview page for more in depth explanations.
Those points aren’t dealbreakers though. I still recommend this book! If you are either new to NFP, wanting to know more, or need convincing that NFP is what is best for your marriage, read Totally Yours: The Catholic Natural Family Planning Handbook. And if you know a couple who is engaged or newly married, give them a copy! They will likely thank you later.
Looking for the 2025 version of our Advent challenge? This year you can find it on our Substack!
We’ve really seen the beauty of doing small things for our marriage! Since Advent and Christmas are some of the busiest seasons of the year, we wanted a way to help couples make their marriage a priority during these times.
This is the sixth year we’ve offered an Advent challenge, and last year we even included Christmas challenges since it was the shortest Advent ever.
This year, we have multiple options so you can hopefully find what is best for you and your spouse! Regardless of what you choose to do for Advent, we hope and pray that you remember the following:
During Advent, we are preparing for Jesus’s coming at Christmas and when He comes again.
In marriage, we have the ultimate goal of getting each other to Heaven.
The little things in marriage really do make a big difference.
The original Advent challenge calendar and guide
As always, the Advent challenge includes both a calendar with a simple challenge each day, as well as a guide that gives you some ideas on how to complete each challenge. The challenges range from spiritual to fun to everything in between. Some are easy to do, and others will likely push you out of your comfort zone. Some are specific to feast days, because we love living liturgically!
If you’ve done our challenge a few times already, you likely are familiar with how to complete each challenge. That’s why we’re offering the calendar separately. If you’ve never done our Advent challenge, we recommend you buy at least the guide… but we really like having both the calendar and guide. We laminate our calendar and place in our bathroom so we can see it each day. And then if we need to, we refer to the guide for ideas.
If you choose an option with the calendar, we’ve also included a blank calendar (as always) for you to use instead if you’d like, to write in your own challenges. It’s also a great way to keep track of everything going on — feel free to use it for the challenge on the first day of Advent, “Make an Advent plan.”
If you are not interested in the daily challenges, check out A Journey Through Advent instead, which includes a weekly date night.
Whatever you do, we really do encourage you to focus on Advent together from December 1-24. We’ve realized that when we really focus on Advent and the meaning of the season, it makes Christmas even more special and celebratory. For years, we’ve loved celebrating the Christmas season with our family by doing at least one special thing each day of Christmas, and now we try to do the same for our marriage!
Our new Christmas Fun Couples Challenge
We decided to make our Christmas challenge separate from our Advent challenge this year. But the good news about that is you can use it every single year, since it’s not specific to one year. We provide 12 fun challenges to complete for each of the 12 days of Christmas, December 25 to January 5. We also provide 4 challenges that you can choose from for the feast of Epiphany on January 6. The Christmas challenges are more fun, because it’s a time to celebrate, and we want couples to have fun together!
Please note: In the U.S., Epiphany is usually transferred to Sunday and does not always fall on January 6. Regardless, we choose to still celebrate all 12 days of Christmas, as well as Epiphany on both January 6 and whichever Sunday it is transferred to!
We are praying for all of you always and hope these resources are a blessing. Please pray for us!
We share about both of our Advent products in this video!
Note: These are all digital downloads. A physical product will not be mailed to you. After checking out, you will receive an email with a link to download the file(s) Please do not share the file(s) with anyone. If you’d like to print multiple copies to share as gifts, please purchase multiple copies, or contact us for group licenses. Our group licenses offer discounted products. Thank you!
The beautiful thing I’ve noticed in my marriage lately is that my husband often seems to know what I need more than I do in any given moment, and vice versa. Sometimes it’s very hard to know what I need when I’m so overwhelmed by all the things. Logan, because he knows me very well, can easily see from the outside what’s going on, and give me a suggestion on what I should do in that moment. We shared an example of that in this video…
I don’t remember the specifics of that day other than being spiritually attacked, but I do know I did not have much alone time during that stage of life. I was working outside the home at the time and our toddler was with me all the time, including at work. So, his suggestion of a bike ride was just what I needed. I needed time to myself! And I needed to do something I enjoy.
Flash forward to more recently, when I had another bad day. Logan suggested I go for a walk after dinner, but that suggestion frustrated me. I knew that’s not what I needed, but I didn’t know how to explain myself in the moment. He likely suggested it because it had worked well in the past, and of course I appreciated his attempt to help…but this situation was a little different. I wasn’t working outside of the home anymore, our toddler was now in school all day, and I had been pretty good at getting out of the house to walk/jog. So while previously, I needed more alone time, this time the opposite was true. I needed to connect with him! I especially needed him to talk me through the particular situation in which I was feeling spiritually attacked.
Later that night, I tried to explain what would have been more helpful in the moment, but quite honestly, I knew I was a hot mess and that my explanation involved a little too many emotions. Long story short, our conversation was pretty rough. I struggled to explain myself and Logan struggled to understand.
The importance of communicating what we need ahead of time
It wasn’t until the next day that I was calm enough to see things clearly and better explain what had happened the previous day. I said something along the lines of, “I know I didn’t do a very good job at explaining what I needed yesterday. But now I know that whenever I have a bad day in the future, it would be helpful to connect more with you rather than less.” I also gave a few specific examples of things we could do to connect.
All of that to say, sometimes we know what our spouse needs and other times we don’t. That’s why it’s important to share our hearts with each other! It’s especially important to communicate these things ahead of time so you don’t end up in a frustrating situation like we did.🫠 I encourage you to use our [free!] discussion guide (after watching the above video) so you and your spouse can be on the same page when it comes to each other’s needs. If you need some ideas, I’ve included some questions to ask yourselves below.
The importance of this when it comes to sexual intimacy
This could be a whole post and/or video of it’s own, but I do feel compelled to mention it briefly here. If one spouse does not seem as interested in sexual intimacy, there is a good chance that they’re in need of something else first – whether it’s emotional connection, help with the kids/house, or any other number of things. The effort to communicate your needs to each other will pay off in many ways!
While sometimes it’s not feasible to expect a clean house every day, are there certain areas of your home that your spouse appreciates being clean when he/she comes home? (Example: Logan first walks into the playroom and then the kitchen, so when cleaning up I focus on those areas first, if he’s going to be home soon.)
How can you incorporate your spouse’s love languages into showing small acts of love every day? Watch our video about Love Languages here.
Is there something your spouse has been wanting to do but just hasn’t been able to make it happen? Can you help make it happen? (Example: Logan has a fishing kayak and hadn’t been able to take it out because his new vehicle didn’t have a way to transport it. So I surprised him with a rack to put on the top of his vehicle. It was the first step he needed to make a fishing trip happen!)
If you have a really bad day, what would help you recover from it? If your spouse has a bad day, how can you help him/her get through it?
We hope this is helpful! It’s so important in a marriage to know what we each need and to communicate that to each other.
This is a new series where I review a recent marriage book that I’ve read. I will do my best to be honest and constructive! This post does contain affiliate link(s). If you click through and make a purchase, we may receive a small commission. Read our privacy policy for more information.
Missing Pieces: Female Perspectives on Sex for Catholic Women
Since this is a book review, I have to start off by saying I personally know the author, Mary. We’ve been friends for over a decade now, and I’ve been so blessed to witness her journey. She did send me a copy of this book but did not ask me to write this post!
Missing Pieces will be a book I recommend to all engaged and newlywed couples, couples who are struggling in the bedroom (regardless of how long they’ve been married), and anyone who works in marriage ministry. I will explain why in a little bit, but I first need to explain something.
We should not be afraid to talk about sex
Some people will be uncomfortable reading this book. And that’s not because Mary has included anything contrary to Church teaching. It’s not because she writes about scandalous things. It’s because we, the Church, have been woefully silent on matters relating to sex and intimacy, especially from the female perspective. So reading about it may be a shock to some.
For others, though, it will be refreshing. We should not be afraid to talk about sex! As someone who works in marriage ministry, I know how many couples are struggling in this area. Many do not know who to turn to when they are having issues. Heck, people don’t even want to share their marriage struggles in general, much less when they have to do with sex.
This book would have been such a blessing to Logan and me in the early years of our marriage! While my journey has been pretty different from Mary, I too went into marriage with a lot of misconceptions and a big lack of knowledge. Thankfully, like Mary, I married a wonderful man, and we’ve grown so much through difficult conversations regarding intimacy. We’ve come to appreciate even more the beauty of God’s plan for a couple’s sexuality. But I daresay our journey would not have taken so long had we read this book or talked to people who had experienced similar situations.
This is a very easy and quick read! I love that Mary still manages to cover various topics, from the wedding night to a reminder that good sex doesn’t just happen, and a topic that we really need to talk about more often: distinguishing the difference between sacrificial love and denying our actual needs. There is a very wrong idea being shared in the online world that we need to sacrifice our own well-being in order to have sex with our spouse whenever he/she wants it, and there is so much more to that conversation that needs to be included, and Mary does a great job of covering it in chapter 4 of her book. I just had to include one paragraph here, which I’m sharing with her permission:
“No one in a healthy marriage needs to be commanded to have sex. Sex is appealing by nature. If it is not appealing to someone at any given time, there is a reason. When each spouse’s primary, emotional, and spiritual needs are being met, a natural extension will be sex at a frequency that makes sense for the individual couple. Spouses should focus on understanding each other so well and being able to communicate at such a depth that they both still feel deeply loved whether or not sex happens on any particular night.
That should be the goal rather than sex made to order.”
That message is so, so important!
If I had to critique this book, it would be nit-picky about things like the size of the font (too big for my preference) and that I did notice a couple of typos, which is likely because this book was self-published. But obviously those things did not take away from the content of the book. The cover, in addition, is beautiful!
I do hope this book helps people to feel more comfortable talking about intimacy. While I don’t think we need to share intimate details of our own marriage with others unless called to do so, we do need to feel comfortable to help others who are struggling in this area and to give them the resources they desperately need. This is especially important for clergy, marriage mentors, and all in marriage ministry.
