Category: Book Reviews

This is a part of a series where I review a recent marriage book that I’ve read. I will do my best to be honest and constructive! This post does contain affiliate link(s). If you click through and make a purchase, we may receive a small commission. Read our privacy policy for more information.

The Discernment of Spirits in Marriage

Discernment of Spirits was written well before Discernment of Spirits in Marriage, but I just so happened to read them both for the first time in 2020. Fr. Timothy Gallagher is known for making St. Ignatius of Loyola’s Rules for Discernment more understandable for lay people, and I found Discernment of Spirits immensely helpful in my spiritual life. So when I learned a marriage version came out, I was really excited. Because I reread Discernment of Spirits in Marriage last year, I wanted to share my thoughts about it!

A good intro or refresher to the Rules of St. Ignatius

Both times I read the book, I really thought an alternative title could be: “Discernment of Spirits for Dummies”. The rules are much more understandable in the marriage book, because Fr Timothy translates the original language from St. Ignatius into a more contemporary version. If you struggled reading Discernment of Spirits, honestly try reading Discernment of Spirits in Marriage, and you just may understand the rules better. It was a good refresher for me, but I also think it would be a good introduction to the Rules of Discernment solely because of the easier language.

I actually think anyone could read this book, married or not.  Although Fr. Timothy uses “Mark and Anne” as the couple who is growing in their faith journey and learning about the Rules of Discernment, their experiences could be relevant to anyone. I did appreciate, though, seeing how a husband and wife might support each other and share things with each other.

The dialogue was…not realistic

My least favorite part of the book is probably the dialogue between Mark and Anne. While I understand the reasoning behind sharing conversations between them, I thought much of the dialogue comes across as cheesy. I kept thinking, “Nobody talks like that!” I should mention that I reread this with friends, and I wasn’t the only one who felt that way. 

Regardless of that, I think it’s worth the read, especially if you’re not familiar with the Rules of Discernment. Everyone should be aware of how the enemy works and why God sometimes allows dryness and desolation in our spiritual lives. If you’re well versed in the Rules of Discernment already, you might find this a bit subpar. (A priest I know didn’t care for it.) But I’m thinking Fr. Gallagher was trying to reach as many people as possible — at least I hope so. And if that’s the case, I can understand why it was written this way.

Couples can help each other in the spiritual life!

What I probably love most about this book is how it has the potential to make couples realize how we can encourage each other in the spiritual life, which is SO important in marriage. After all, we’re trying to get each other to heaven. 

TL;DR: It’s an easy and quick read that is worth your time if you can get past the cheesy dialogue. Even though it’s written with married couples in mind, likely anybody can read it and find it relevant. If you’re well versed in the Rules of Discernment, though, you might want to pass on this one and stick with Fr. Gallagher’s first book…unless you just really want to see the rules in action in a marriage.

This is a new series where I review a recent marriage book that I’ve read. I will do my best to be honest and constructive! This post does contain affiliate link(s). If you click through and make a purchase, we may receive a small commission. Read our privacy policy for more information.

Missing Pieces: Female Perspectives on Sex for Catholic Women

Since this is a book review, I have to start off by saying I personally know the author, Mary. We’ve been friends for over a decade now, and I’ve been so blessed to witness her journey. She did send me a copy of this book but did not ask me to write this post!

Missing Pieces will be a book I recommend to all engaged and newlywed couples, couples who are struggling in the bedroom (regardless of how long they’ve been married), and anyone who works in marriage ministry. I will explain why in a little bit, but I first need to explain something.

We should not be afraid to talk about sex

Some people will be uncomfortable reading this book. And that’s not because Mary has included anything contrary to Church teaching. It’s not because she writes about scandalous things. It’s because we, the Church, have been woefully silent on matters relating to sex and intimacy, especially from the female perspective. So reading about it may be a shock to some.

For others, though, it will be refreshing. We should not be afraid to talk about sex! As someone who works in marriage ministry, I know how many couples are struggling in this area. Many do not know who to turn to when they are having issues. Heck, people don’t even want to share their marriage struggles in general, much less when they have to do with sex.

This book would have been such a blessing to Logan and me in the early years of our marriage! While my journey has been pretty different from Mary, I too went into marriage with a lot of misconceptions and a big lack of knowledge. Thankfully, like Mary, I married a wonderful man, and we’ve grown so much through difficult conversations regarding intimacy. We’ve come to appreciate even more the beauty of God’s plan for a couple’s sexuality. But I daresay our journey would not have taken so long had we read this book or talked to people who had experienced similar situations.

This is a very easy and quick read! I love that Mary still manages to cover various topics, from the wedding night to a reminder that good sex doesn’t just happen, and a topic that we really need to talk about more often: distinguishing the difference between sacrificial love and denying our actual needs. There is a very wrong idea being shared in the online world that we need to sacrifice our own well-being in order to have sex with our spouse whenever he/she wants it, and there is so much more to that conversation that needs to be included, and Mary does a great job of covering it in chapter 4 of her book. I just had to include one paragraph here, which I’m sharing with her permission:

“No one in a healthy marriage needs to be commanded to have sex. Sex is appealing by nature. If it is not appealing to someone at any given time, there is a reason. When each spouse’s primary, emotional, and spiritual needs are being met, a natural extension will be sex at a frequency that makes sense for the individual couple. Spouses should focus on understanding each other so well and being able to communicate at such a depth that they both still feel deeply loved whether or not sex happens on any particular night.

That should be the goal rather than sex made to order.”

That message is so, so important!

If I had to critique this book, it would be nit-picky about things like the size of the font (too big for my preference) and that I did notice a couple of typos, which is likely because this book was self-published. But obviously those things did not take away from the content of the book. The cover, in addition, is beautiful!

I do hope this book helps people to feel more comfortable talking about intimacy. While I don’t think we need to share intimate details of our own marriage with others unless called to do so, we do need to feel comfortable to help others who are struggling in this area and to give them the resources they desperately need. This is especially important for clergy, marriage mentors, and all in marriage ministry. 

Other books by Mary

In case you’d like to read more from Mary, she has a book about her journey with infertility, called Twelve Stripes Deep: How Infertility & Other Suffering Delivered My Greatest Joys. She also has a new journal called Holding Space for Joy: A Prayer Companion for Women Struggling with Infertility. Her post on our blog, Bear the Whole Fruit Tray: Infertile, Still Fruitful, is one of our most popular. Mary is such a needed voice in the area of infertility and sex, and I’m blessed to call her my friend.

This is the beginning of what will hopefully become a regular series where I review a recent marriage book that I’ve read. I will do my best to be honest and constructive! This post does contain affiliate link(s). If you click through and make a purchase, we may receive a small commission. Read our privacy policy for more information.

Couples, Awaken Your Love!

I recently read Couples, Awaken Your Love! by Robert Cardinal Sarah, a book that surprisingly doesn’t seem very well known. A priest friend very active in marriage ministry saw it on our kitchen table while visiting, and he was so intrigued that he immediately ordered some copies for couples he knew! (I was only a couple chapters into reading it at the time so I didn’t have much of a review to offer him.)

Cardinal Sarah is already well known for many books, including The Power of Silence and God or Nothing. This little book, Couples, Awaken Your Love!, is currently his only book on marriage. It includes short reflections from a retreat he gave to couples in Lourdes, France, in 2019.

This book is for marriages in all stages, from newlyweds to those who have been married for decades. I think any married couple will find a few nuggets of wisdom! My favorite reflections were on the Eucharist and spiritual combat. 

Honestly, I think anyone can and should read this book, married or not. It addresses many of the issues attacking marriage and family life today, and considering the final battle will be against marriage and family life (and let’s be real, we’re in it now), we all need to be aware of how we can win this battle. Cardinal Sarah quotes many church documents and other writings, and personally I was inspired to pull up some of those documents to continue reading.

This little book would be a great option for couples to read together, as each chapter is fairly short. It would likely start some very valuable discussions! Because this is a book review, I do have to share this: sometimes at the end of a chapter/reflection, I would find myself saying, That’s it? I want more! Some reflections are very short, and there were a few that I was questioning why it was included. But the former could very well be because it’s an edited work, and the latter might have to do something with translation.

The hidden gems at the back of the book

Regardless of what one might think about the reflections, though, I think this book is worth it solely for the appendices, one on conjugal prayer and one entitled “Workshop: A Time for Listening”.

The appendix on prayer gives couples a daily plan, so to speak, on how to pray together. It also gives a week’s worth of that plan with specific Scripture passages. One can easily use the daily plan with other Scripture passages. Logan and I really enjoy using this prayer plan together, so this book now sits on my nightstand. It includes it all, really — time to examine your conscience, opportunities to both ask forgiveness from your spouse and to affirm your spouse, Scripture reading, rote prayers, a meditation to read, and a prayer for spouses. It might sound like a lot, but it takes less than 10 minutes.

The second appendix on listening would be great to use if there is a topic that is causing tension in a marriage. Cardinal Sarah gives some very helpful suggestions for this listening workshop, but Logan and I haven’t actually gone through it together yet.

Overall, I’m glad I finally read this after it sat on my bookshelf for an entire year, and I have a few pages marked to revisit. I enjoyed Cardinal Sarah’s The Power of Silence several years ago, and it’s obvious he’s a very intelligent and prayerful man. I enjoyed reading his reflections with a marriage spin.