Many years ago, Logan saw a post on Facebook about a couple who went to Goodwill on a date and picked out each other’s clothes for $10 or less. They then wore those clothes to dinner immediately afterwards. Logan was adamant we do the same!
I wasn’t so sure about it, since I was fairly certain he would pick out an 80s prom dress or something equally ridiculous. But he got some friends of ours to agree to go with us, so we went.
I’ll be honest with you — I was a little terrified. Not only do I dislike shopping, I did not trust Logan to pick out something I liked. And my little introverted self definitely did not want to wear something crazy out in public!
But I took a leap of faith and trusted Logan not to embarrass me.
Our “before” picture
Do I look nervous? I was nervous.
Logan picked out a couple of dresses for me to try on, and there was a clear winner!
Our “after” picture with our “new” clothes
I was thankful he decided I needed a cute $6 dress. It got plenty of use over the next few years, so much so that it eventually got a hole and I had to get rid of it. Despite me trying to find something decent for Logan, I was limited by sizes. But he actually still wears those shorts!
We, along with our friends who were with us, changed into our “new” clothes and headed to dinner together. It was surprisingly so much fun that Logan and I decided to try it again the following year and ended up having even more fun. I accidentally picked a ladies shirt out for him, so we ended up going back after our meal to get him a men’s shirt. He found me another cute dress, which is still hanging in our closet. (You can actually see this date in action in our very first Instagram highlight here. We were very new to Instagram back then, so be warned, ha.)
Before shoppingTake 1…before we realized Logan’s shirt was for womenOur final clothes after finally finding a men’s shirt
Since then, we’ve done many more dates like this and have even put a couple of them on our YouTube channel! Logan has found several more great pieces of clothing for me since then, and much of my closet is because of our thrift store dates.
This is the date where Logan picked something I felt super uncomfortable wearing at first but now it is honestly one of my favorite dresses. I’m so thankful he took a risk in picking this one and I’m glad I was brave and wore it anyway.
And this is the date where I refused to buy the cute yellow dress (because it was so form fitting) and Logan still regrets not buying it anyway!
What we’ve learned from thrift store dates
It’s crazy how going on these dates and picking each other’s clothes has made us realize a few things. It’s one reason we encourage couples to try new things together (one of the things we talk about in our Date Night Guide). You just never know what you might learn about yourself or your spouse! Here are some things we’ve learned:
Logan is great at picking out my clothes. He picks things that I would never pick myself but end up looking much better than I expect.
We LOVE thrift store shopping. Most of our clothes now come from thrift stores!
Getting out of our comfort zone sometimes is a very good thing.
We also learned that we love each other enough not to embarrass each other. It’s still funny to pick out embarrassing clothes for the other to try on, but we don’t end up buying it.
So are you ready for the challenge? Do you trust your spouse to pick out your clothes? Make your next date one to remember!
Want a way to keep track of your dates? Check out our free Date Night Tracker!
We wanted kids as soon as we were married, despite being young (newly 23 and almost 23) and not having the best financial situation. (Just call us crazy!) And even though we found out during our engagement while taking NFP classes that it might be a struggle to get pregnant, we knew God had a plan.
Lo and behold, we got pregnant less than 2 months after our wedding. We were so thrilled!! The pregnancy was going perfectly until it suddenly ended at 22 weeks.
Then we struggled getting pregnant again. And while our time of infertility was small compared to many (less than 2 years), we still remember the pain and the struggle. Not knowing if we’d ever have a baby to hold this side of heaven. Wondering why the desire to be parents was so strong from the very beginning just to have to watch everyone else get their turn first.
Our second Christmas as husband and wife…still no baby, but we did have a puppy!
Of course this may be really silly (annoying, even?) coming from a couple with 4 boys now, but we just wanted to tell you that we see you. We see your struggle and pray for you often, especially after experiencing another period of infertility before we were blessed with our youngest son. And we hope the following is encouraging for you…
Our marriage would not be as strong as it is now had we not gone through all of that together. We know not to judge small or childless families. We know the silent cross of infertility is one of the most difficult. We don’t take our children for granted, because they were all very much prayed for and wanted long before we held them in our arms. The time where we longed for a baby gave us a chance to focus on our marriage and build a strong foundation for the children that we prayed would follow.
Our oldest three sons came every two years. Our fourth son came 5 years after that. We had wanted a bigger gap…but not that big. But now that he’s here and we see the dynamic between him and the older boys, we know it’s exactly the age gap our family needed. And only God knew that would be the case!
Our family, Easter 2024
So if you’re struggling with infertility, let us remind you that God redeems everything. God knows what each marriage and family needs and in the time we need it. Is it a coincidence that National Infertility Awareness week always falls during the Easter season? Maybe. But it’s a great reminder that God redeems everything. Our sin, our heartache, and even your infertility.
Your story may not end up like ours, but we know there will be redemption in some way. Just keep your eyes on Him. We are praying for you!
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A few years ago, we saw a post on Facebook where a woman stated that her daughter did not come before her husband. The majority of people commenting on it thought she was crazy (among other things) and said she shouldn’t have kids.
We know it’s hard to understand a statement like that when you have young children who depend on you to change them, feed them, and love them. But it’s true… your marriage should come before your kids. Your family is only as healthy as your marriage is, and so when we prioritize our marriage, our children will benefit. (And so will the rest of the world, but that’s a topic for another day!)
“If we get marriage right, we can not only transform our families and parishes, we can transform the world.”
This is a friendly reminder that your marriage came before your kids in the first place (in most cases), and it should be first once your kids are all grown up too. It may look different in those years in between, but your marriage should still be the most important human relationship in your life. It is the one relationship that you vowed to be there in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer, until death do you part.
Why you should keep your marriage a priority now… and not later
Many people did not have a good example of marriage growing up so it may not make sense to put your spouse first when they are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves. Kids need us, after all! That’s especially true when they’re younger.
But it’s important to remember that our children live with us for a brief period of time (in most cases), and even if you’re one of the few that have the responsibility of caring for your children for their entire lives (in the case of special needs), it’s still important — perhaps even more so — to put your marriage first.
Statistics show that the divorce rate for couples over age 50 have increased over the last few decades. You’ve likely heard of “empty nest syndrome”, and it’s one of the reasons for the increase in divorce for older couples. If you’re focused so much on your children to the detriment of your marriage, it’s going to be a rough transition when your children move out.
While we love our children dearly and will definitely miss them once they’re on their own, we also are looking forward to the phase of life where our children are on their own and we have more time with each other, if God blesses us with that opportunity.
But we should also point out that since we don’t know the future, we’re not waiting for that phase. It’s very possible that if/when we’re empty nesters, we might be dealing with serious illness or another difficult situation that would take up just as much time as our children take up now…which is just one of the reasons why we’re focusing on our marriage now and not later. We are living in the present moment!
What putting your marriage first looks like
So let’s first talk about what putting your marriage first DOESN’T mean…
It doesn’t mean that you’re a bad parent.
It doesn’t mean you don’t like your children.
It doesn’t mean that you let your children fend for themselves.
It doesn’t mean that you stop nursing your baby to make your husband a sandwich. (That one is extreme, but hopefully it made you giggle! 🙃)
We could give more examples, but hopefully that helps to clarify a little. Now for what it ACTUALLY means to put your spouse first:
It means that you and your spouse consistently dedicate time together with just the two of you.
It means that money for dates deserves a line in your budget. (We’re not saying you even have to spend money on dates…but make sure dates are a priority above other unnecessary things. See our date night guide for more!)
It means nourishing the relationship that will always be there. Your children will grow up and be on their own one day, but your spouse will still be there. (We know there are exceptions. Parents of kids with special needs, we see you. ❤️)
It means considering your spouse’s feelings and opinions ahead of anyone else’s. (And no, we don’t mean enabling bad behavior.)
It means finding shared interests even if you’re complete opposites.
It means consulting them when you have a decision to make.
It means giving your spouse your first fruits (after God, of course), instead of giving what’s left of you at the end of the day.
It means working on yourself so you can be the best spouse possible, because then you will be the best parent possible.
It means showing your children what a strong marriage looks like, because that is one of the greatest gifts you can give them.
A recent example of us putting our marriage first
We know it’s not easy, especially when you have a clingy toddler or an emotional teenager. But in our experience, when our marriage is thriving, we’re better able to be patient, loving, and firm parents. Our kids love it when we love each other well!
A couple of months ago, we were planning on attending a family-friendly event at a nearby church. We had enjoyed it very much the previous year and didn’t have a reason to notattend.
The week leading up to the event, however, was insane. The whole month before was crazy, actually, but this particular week was especially rough. It included an ER trip for one of our boys, the sudden announcement of our pastor leaving, difficulties at work for both of us, and just lots of other frustrating and inconvenient things. So we made the last minute decision to not attend the church event and to go on a date night instead! It ended up being a much-needed night of connection after a very crazy week. Our kids still had a great time with our friend/babysitter, and we were very happy with our decision to change plans and put our marriage first.
As long as you’re still giving your children what they need (and this will require some discernment), you won’t regret putting your spouse first. It is very possible to keep your marriage a priority without neglecting your children. It’s also 100% worth it – for the sake of your marriage, your family, and the rest of the world.
“Everything we do impacts the world around us. Your vocation, your marriage, can have a tremendous impact. Your marriage matters. It matters not just to you and your spouse, not just to your kids; it matters to the good of human civilization. Your marriage matters to God. We are convinced that the restoration of culture doesn’t rely on strong political leaders or governmental agencies but rather on strong marriages and families. Do you want to change the world? Then win marriage.”
Every year, February 7-14 is recognized as National Marriage Week. It really is the perfect time to celebrate the gift of married life and to show appreciation for our spouse. It’s also a great idea to do a little extra something when it comes to nurturing your relationship together. And in case you wanted some ideas on exactly what you can do during National Marriage Week, we have some ideas…
1. Pray for all marriages.
This includes your own! We need strong and faithful marriages more than ever, and since prayer is so powerful, we need to make sure we’re praying for all marriages.
2. Show love and appreciation for your spouse.
How you do this can vary widely, but we always look to each other’s love languages for inspiration.
3. Plan a date night.
Even if you think date nights aren’t necessary in a marriage, it’s still good to get out together every once and awhile! Date night doesn’t need to be fancy. It just needs to be intentional quality time for just you and your spouse. Check out our date night guide for more thoughts and tips! We also have ideas on having date nights at home.
4. Read a marriage book together.
We share some favorites on our Recommendations page, but there are so many more to choose from! Reading together provides the perfect opportunity to have some great conversation.
5. Choose an enrichment program or online retreat to go through together.
Just like certain professions require continuing education, we should be doing the same with our marriage! There’s an extensive list of enrichment programs at the USCCB’s website, For Your Marriage, here. We can personally vouch for how amazing United in Love is, which we did several years ago through our church parish. We’ve also hosted The Couple Prayer series a few times, and it’s been so fruitful for all couples. For Your Marriage also offers an online retreat every year for National Marriage Week; see the 2025 retreat here.
6. Listen to a marriage talk.
Dr. Brant Pitre has some great ones (like this one and this one), and there are plenty others one to be found on Formed.org by Venerable Fulton Sheen, Dr. Scott Hahn, and others.
7. Book a marriage retreat for the upcoming year.
We love retreats! Here are 10 reasons why you should go on a marriage retreat. We also share why we try to go on a retreat every year in this video: Why We Retreat
We encourage you to focus on your marriage throughout Lent too! Since Lent is coming soon, check out our Lenten marriage resources:
When we really think about it, Advent and marriage have so many connections.
In marriage, our goal is to get each other to heaven. Plus our relationship with our spouse is supposed to be a foretaste of heaven!
In Advent, we’re preparing not only for the birth of Jesus, we’re preparing for when he comes again. It’s a reminder that we need to be ready! We want to be with him in heaven.
So it makes sense that we should want to keep Advent sacred as a married couple. Here are ways you can do that:
1. Commit to a spiritual practice together.
Been wanting to start praying a Rosary as a couple? Advent is a great time to start.
Attend an extra Mass together during the week.
Pray an hour from the Liturgy of the Hours each day.
2. Read a book together.
It could be a marriage book or a spiritual book. Read a chapter and then discuss! For suggestions of marriage books, check out our Recommendations page. We also have A Journey Through Advent for Catholic Couples, which includes weekly reflections and discussion questions (and more).
A book of the Bible counts as a book! Reading through one of the Gospels together leading up to Christmas is a simple but beautiful way to connect in a faithful way.
3. Limit screen time.
Normally watch TV every night together? Try to limit it to once or twice a week.
Put your phones aside when you’re together for a designated time each day.
Doing both of those will give you plenty of time to do any of the previous suggestions!
4. Don’t feel like you have to attend every party.
Seriously. It’s okay to politely decline an invitation, especially if you’re already feeling overwhelmed. December is a crazy time, and if saying yes to every single event will leave you frazzled and forgetful of what Advent is all about…just say no. Keep each other accountable to this!
5. Go to Confession.
We try to go every month, and that’s especially important during Advent and Lent! Make this a priority. Receiving this sacrament regularly has literally changed our marriage! (And if things start spiraling, it’s usually because one of us hasn’t been recently.)
6. Decide on which traditions to do this year, and shelf the rest.
Really, it’s okay. A few years ago, Logan suggested we not take out our Jesse Tree (after struggling with it the previous two years), and I realized that he was right. We brought it back the following year, and it went much smoother. Not every tradition will be right for your family every year—especially if you’re in a difficult phase with pregnancy, a baby, illness, or any other number of scenarios. Do what what works best for your family this year. But make sure you decide on that together!
7. Focus on the small things.
We tend to have high expectations of doing these fancy and elaborate traditions during December. But so often, it’s the little things that we remember. So focus on those—taking a few minutes to sit together listening to music, saying a prayer together as you light the Advent wreath, etc. We created a challenge calendar to help you focus on the small things, while keeping your marriage and Advent a priority. Check out the details here!
The important thing is that you keep Advent in Advent. Let’s keep Jesus at the center of this season. Christmas will come, and then you can celebrate!
Back in 2019, we started this Advent challenge for Catholic couples as a simple way to prepare for Christmas together with your spouse, while making your marriage a priority. So many have found it helpful, and we have even done a Lent challenge for 2 years now!
So here it is again: our 2022 Advent Challenge for Catholic Couples.
Our inspiration for this Advent challenge
Advent should be a calm and peaceful time, but often it’s the busiest time of the year! In the weeks leading up to Christmas, it’s very easy to get focused on shopping, parties, and everything else holiday-related.
But let’s not forget about our marriages.
Advent and marriage have a special link—both point us toward heaven.
Use this Advent season to draw closer to each other, to foster your relationship together, and to remind each other of the end goal—eternal life in heaven. And we’ve created something to help you do exactly that!
A calendar with a simple challenge each day
This challenge includes both a calendar with a simple challenge each day, as well as a guide that gives you some ideas on how to complete each challenge.
As an added bonus, we also include a blank calendar in case you want to make up your own challenges or switch some of the challenges around. Both calendars include feast days (because hey, Catholic marriage!). We really do hope and pray this will enrich your marriage and Advent season together! That being said…
Do not let these challenges stress you out. Skip a day, if necessary, or switch the challenges around to better suit your schedule. These challenges are to make sure you’re spending time together and praying together. Peace is the goal….not stress. Okay? Okay.
The Advent challenge and guide is available in our shop! Add it to your cart by clicking the button below (or click here if it’s not showing up)…
Note: This is a digital download. A physical product will not be mailed to you. After checking out, you will receive an email with a link to download the PDF. Please do not share the file with anyone. If you’d like to print multiple copies to share as gifts, please purchase multiple copies, or contact us for group licenses. Thank you!
For a couple years now, we’ve shared our Advent Challenge for Married Couples. We’ve gotten such great feedback on it that we decided to do one for Lent this year!
Every day of Lent, we have a challenge for you to complete together. You can choose to just use the calendar, which goes from February to April. You can also use the blank calendar and fill in challenges of your own! Both have feast days listed. Then refer to the Lent marriage guide for more thoughts about each challenge and ideas on how to complete it.
Just like with the Advent challenge, we want to emphasize that stress is not the goal of this Lent challenge. Skip a day if necessary, or switch the challenges around to better suit your schedule. These challenges are to make sure you’re spending time together and praying together as we prepare for the Resurrection. It’s a great time to strive for holiness together as husband and wife.
The Lent challenge and guide is now available in our shop! Add it to your cart by clicking the button below…
$4.99
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Every year, we like to propose a challenge for your marriage during Lent: pick one thing to do together throughout Lent. It’s easy to go overboard and pick several things to do, but just pick one or two!
We’ve really come to see the power of doing one small thing together and how that can lead us to holiness. While giving up sweets or alcohol or something like that isn’t a bad thing, just make sure you’re picking something that will have a positive impact on your marriage and spiritual life together.
And remember, it’s not supposed to be easy! When you’re deciding on what to do, it’s also good to remember the three pillars of Lent: prayer, fasting, and almsgiving. So while we’re encouraging you to pick only one thing to do together, you should still focus on all three pillars throughout Lent.
Ready for some ideas for what you can do during Lent with your spouse? In no particular order, here we go!
Pray together everyday, if you’re not already doing so. [It might be good to also read Praying For (and With) Your Spouse by the Popcaks.]
Read Scripture daily. Maybe a Psalm a day or a chapter from one of the Gospels.
Do the enrichment program Beloved: Mystery & Meaning of Marriage. If your church parish has a subscription to Formed.org, you could do Beloved for free! There are 6 sessions, so you can do one each week in Lent.
Sign up for the Pray More Retreat. It’s a self-paced online retreat with talks, videos, and study guides. The topics look so good and would be great conversation starters!
Wake up earlier to connect and pray together.
Go on a marriage retreat.
Take Natural Family Planning classes, if you haven’t done so yet (or have been putting it off!).
Don’t watch TV. But be sure to replace that TV time with something better!
Pray a daily Rosary.
Go to daily Mass during the week (in addition to meeting your Sunday obligation).
Donate extra money to your church or favorite charity.
Commit to not spending any money (other than necessities and usual bills) during Lent. Have a “no spend Lent”, if you will.
Pray a Divine Mercy chaplet every day.
Invite someone over for dinner each week. Maybe it’s time to work on hospitality!
Pick a day each week to do hardcore fasting, like what’s done on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday. Fasting together makes for some good accountability.
Go to bed earlier. Make sure to pray together first!
Commit to not having your phones by you when you’re spending time together at home. Enjoy each other’s company!
Pick a person or family each week to bless in some way. Bring them a meal, offer to babysit, whatever you think might help them. (And don’t expect anything in return!)
Pray an hour from the Liturgy of the Hours each day. This can be done with an app like iBreviary or Laudate, but I’m a big fan of the one-volume Christian Prayer. (And if you want to learn more about the Liturgy of the Hours, I recommend reading The Everyday Catholic’s Guide to the Liturgy of the Hours by Daria Sockey.)
Make a weekly visit to an Adoration chapel.
Learn a new devotion together, like the Seven Sorrows Rosary or the St. Michael chaplet.
Listen to a talk about Catholicism or marriage and family life each week. Catholic Productions has a great selection, and there are several awesome talks in their marriage and family life category. (Both CDs and MP3s are available.)
Do the Stations of the Cross together each Friday.
Do the enrichment program United in Love-United in Christ. We did this one year with a large group of couples at our church, and it was great! You could do it with a small group in your own home as well, meeting once a week for 6 weeks.
As soon as I heard Meggie’s discernment story, I knew I had to share it with all of you, and thankfully she agreed!Discerning another baby—or any other major decision, for that matter—will look differently for each couple. But one thing is the same: it takes prayer, communication, and a whole lot of trust in God’s will and plan for your marriage and family. Meggie’s story shows that discernment doesn’t always end up the way we expect, but proof that God always knows best. -Jen
Discernment is a difficult topic to cover; each person’s journey is so different and so personal. Growing your family (or choosing to not grow your family) is entirely between your husband, you, and God, yet so many people come out of the woodwork when your journey doesn’t line up with what they perceive from the outside.
I’m going to be completely upfront about this: I do not feel qualified to write about discernment. It is something I constantly wrestle with, but maybe hearing about it from more women in the trenches is what the NFP community needs. I struggle. I struggle with selfishness, and I struggle with fear. I do not particularly like being pregnant.
Our plans from the beginning
When my husband and I first got married, we had agreed we would wait two years before trying to conceive. Our time spent dating and engaged was almost entirely long distance due to our different timelines with school and work. Our reasoning was that we needed time to adjust and settle into our married life, which included my transition from college to the workforce, a new city (for me), and honestly, just being in the same room together for more than a few hours.
I don’t love the phrase “we make plans, and God laughs.” I like to think God sighs a little at our pigheadedness and slowly pokes and prods us until we’re heading in the right direction. This is what happened…
Discerning pregnancy together
After a few months of marriage, I started to feel a longing for a child. I slowly began to examine our reasons for avoiding, and I no longer felt they held up anymore. I was doing well at work and could get to most places I needed without a GPS (which was a huge success, as I am very directionally challenged). Geoff and I had transitioned very naturally and joyfully into married life.
So one evening, I gathered my courage and broached the subject with him. I was longing for a child and was not at peace with trying to avoid any longer, but would of course respect his feelings as well. Geoff was hesitant as this was much sooner than we had agreed upon, but he encouraged me to continue to pray about it and promised we could continue to discuss. I would go to Mass on my lunch hour to pray for clarity, and to pray that Geoff would be open to the idea of switching to TTC (trying to conceive). I felt that the longing God put on my heart was truly of God, and from God.
The next stage was terribly painful. I watched as three weeks in a row, three women in our couples’ group announced that they were pregnant. Geoff walked into our bedroom after one of those evenings to find me crying. We discussed further and ultimately agreed that it was time to try.
We got pregnant immediately…and immediately miscarried. I was distraught, but several months later finally got another positive test. I was overjoyed but struggled intensely with anxiety, as we had lost our first. Days turned into weeks, and weeks into months, but everything went smoothly. In November of 2017, we welcomed our son, Becket.
His first few months were a challenge. Becket was colicky and screamed nearly non-stop for five months. He slept only three hours at a time, and our sleep training attempts repeatedly failed to stick. On top of this, he became a very proficient climber early on and learned to walk the same week he had surgery at 11 months old. That first year was a blur, and the times for marital intimacy were few and far between as we navigated the postpartum period. At 16 months, Becket finally slept through the night, and slowly our lives regained some normalcy.
Discernment is a process
I have struggled with scrupulosity all my life, and at 18 months again felt that maybe our reasons for avoiding were not as strong as they once were. Surely we weren’t being good Catholics if we continued to avoid without a life-threatening reason? Sure, my anxiety was bad, but my head was at least above the water now. Geoff reminded me that God calls us to be responsible parents, and that I was in no state to have more children yet. God does not call us to drown ourselves, but to wait with patience for his love and his peace.
My anxiety continued to worsen around Becket’s second birthday, and Geoff and I finally decided it was time for me to seek help. That worked for some time, and in February of 2020, I mentioned to Geoff the guilt I felt for continuing to avoid. He again reminded me that just as we can’t make the decision to avoid out of fear, we can’t make the decision to conceive out of fear either. That decision must come from a place of peace.
Sure enough, COVID hit the US, and during the first lockdown, Geoff looked at me across the table and said, “Aren’t you glad you aren’t pregnant right now?” The anxiety of being pregnant with so many unknowns in the early days of the pandemic would have probably sent me over the edge mentally.
With COVID, my anxiety crept right back up and reached such a fever pitch that I ultimately ended up in the emergency room with a sudden and severe pain at the base of my skull following weeks of daily tension headaches. My head was fine, but the doctor had noticed a nodule on my thyroid. I was assured it was no big deal. Many people have them, and 98% of the time they’re benign. In fact, the doctor nearly forgot to tell us about it!
I did some minor research when we got home, but was not particularly alarmed. I was more concerned about finding a solution to the crippling anxiety, so I promptly scheduled an appointment with my primary care physician. He put me on anxiety medication after years of me trying to avoid it, and he also ordered an ultrasound of my thyroid, which wouldn’t happen for some time.
Leaving survival mode behind
The medication was a complete life-saver. Not only was my head above the water, but I was able to swim. I left survivor-mode behind me and felt myself becoming a better wife and mother almost overnight. I felt that I really wouldn’t mind starting to think about having another child again. So I began diving deeper into discernment. My prayer went from, “Please don’t ask me to get pregnant again, because I just can’t do it!” to “If it is your will, God, please place that desire for a child in both of our hearts, and let us be at peace.”
It was an incredibly freeing thing to put that in God’s hands—to ask Him to prepare my heart for another child if that was what He wanted of me. I was confident that He would do so, that I would soon feel that peace as confirmation that it was time for us to try to conceive again. I finally felt ready to put that decision in God’s hands.
Unexpected peace
The peace did come…but in an unexpected form. I suddenly found myself very at peace with avoiding a pregnancy, which was perplexing—it was the exact opposite of what I assumed would be our next step. So, we continued to avoid a pregnancy.
I had my thyroid ultrasound, and the technician was cheerful and friendly. I expected to wait for two weeks but received my results the next business day. The report recommended a biopsy, accompanied by very technical terms describing the nodule. I took to Google to learn about the classification method of thyroid nodules, and my stomach dropped. There was an 80% chance or greater that it was cancer. Two days later, I was biopsied, and a week after that, had all suspicions confirmed: papillary carcinoma with the BRAF v600e mutation (AKA cancer).
The importance of NFP during treatment
Ten days after my diagnosis, I had a total thyroidectomy. Our need to avoid a pregnancy became extremely serious, as I faced the possibility of radioactive iodine treatment. If I didn’t need the additional treatment, we would only need to avoid for a few months until my medication was properly adjusted. If I did need it, we faced a year of very strict TTA (trying to avoid) for the safety of the baby.
The surgery was a success, but my doctor ultimately decided I needed further treatment to kill any remaining thyroid cells, so I began preparing for something called radioactive iodine (RAI). As thyroid cells are essentially the only cells in your body that absorb iodine, by ingesting a radioactive iodine pill, any remaining thyroid cells absorb the radioactivity and are slowly destroyed. It is a very targeted therapy, and requires going on a low-iodine diet to starve your body of iodine so it absorbs better. It also requires total isolation for anywhere from three days to three weeks.
Knowing the seriousness of this treatment, I contacted a new NFP instructor to help guide us through the coming year of avoiding, who has helped me several times already as we navigate progesterone tests for confirming ovulation.
The gift of NFP and its fruits
I am now on the other side of my treatment, and recently received the news that there is no evidence of spread. There is always a chance of recurrence, but for now, we are doing well and looking forward to the future that will hopefully include more children somewhere along the way!
Discernment is a difficult topic. It involves taking a deep look at ourselves, our intentions, and our motivations, which can sometimes be painful. I am deeply grateful for the gift of NFP and the way it has helped me to learn to trust better and slowly taught me to pray: not my will, but Thine.
Meggie is a born-and-bred Midwesterner living in the deep south with her husband, Geoff, and their busy 3-year-old, Becket. She works part-time in residential architecture, and full time in domestic engineering. When not chasing her son or sketching floor plans, she can be found reading a good book and drinking a Moscow mule.
A couple of years ago, my husband saw a post about a man picking out his wife’s clothes for a week. He wanted to do it. I was a little hesitant. After all, I’m a big fan of t-shirts and flip flops (because it is hot here in Louisiana most of the year) and just knew he would want me to wear skirts and dresses. But I decided to be brave and let him choose my clothes for an entire week.
My husband, Logan, actually loves to pick out my clothes…but normally, I reserve that for date nights. (Our favorite date is the Goodwill date—we pick out each other’s clothes at Goodwill and then wear them to lunch/dinner.) But letting him pick out my clothes for 7 days?? That’s a much bigger commitment and requires a lot more trust.
We learned a lot from that week of him picking out my clothes, though, so I’m glad we did it. I realized he has pretty good fashion sense and that I needed to trust him more. He learned that it’s hard to pick out clothes for a woman every day and that I actually do trust him. It was pretty fun, too! Here are the pictures (selfies because Logan was usually at work once I was dressed) from that week in 2017, with commentary:
Totally something I would wear normally, so it was a good start
Inward groan because I had never worn this…but turns out it’s pretty cute and comfy
I went out for dinner with friends that night so obviously Logan wanted to pick another outfit…and it was another dress I had never worn
He picked this (the skirt I had never worn) for me to wear to a birthday party an hour away with our 3 kids while he was at work so I convinced him to let me wear this to vigil Mass later that day
This was much more appropriate for a kids birthday party
I had worn this a month earlier to a wedding so it was weird wearing it on an average day
Another fancy dress on an average day, which was weird
One of my fave outfits…so I was happy
Logan borrowed this from a friend and I was not a fan (if that’s not obvious, ha)
Since we are stuck at home due to COVID-19, we thought it was the perfect time to bring back the “husband picks wife’s clothes for a week” challenge. It made things a little exciting each day, and we had fun with it again. In case you missed us posting about it on Instagram, we wanted to share about it here…and encourage you to try it too.
Since Logan knew I wasn’t thrilled about dressing up every day back in 2017 (when I was actually leaving the house), he decided to mix it up a little bit this time with some casual clothes. Thankfully.
The gist of the challenge:
Husband picks out wife’s clothes for 7 days
Husband must have wife’s best interests at heart (keep it classy, basically)
Take a picture of what he picks every day. You will want to remember this!
Now for pictures from this past week!
It was unusually chilly this day, so Logan had to pick jeans. I hadn’t worn them in a couple months!
Repeat shirt from 2017 because it’s one of his fave shirts on me and I don’t wear it often
A dress that I didn’t want to wear all day…but it’s cute
Another favorite shirt of Logan’s that I never wear
This was Sunday, and since we’ve been dressing up every Sunday to watch Mass, he picked a fancy dress. I convinced him to let me change after lunch…
He picked this for the rest of the day on Divine Mercy Sunday since he knew I wanted to be comfy and wear this shirt specifically
Yet anther shirt Logan likes that I don’t wear very often
A repeat from 2017 and I had probably only worn this once or twice since then…but maybe it will become one of my faves now
Logan’s thoughts
“You should trust my opinion more”
“I like to see you in things other than just t-shirt and shorts”
“The variety in clothes helps me focus on you more”
“I like you getting dressed for the day…as opposed to just bumming it.”
My thoughts
I should let Logan pick out my clothes more often
Dressing nice (even when I’m not going anywhere) is an act of love for Logan
How I dress affects the way I feel
I need to just wear things I’m not 100% comfortable with instead of letting them sit in my closet…because they’re not as bad as I think. And it just so happens that Logan loves them!
Since I don’t take very many risks when it comes to my wardrobe, it was a great time to trust Logan and let him show me what he enjoys seeing on me. It also made me realize that dressing nicer really does make a difference in my day and how I approach it. I was more motivated to get things done!
So what do you think about letting your husband pick your clothes? Or if you’re a guy, would you want to pick your wife’s clothes for a week? Let us know your thoughts!
