The marriage book about sex that we’ve been needing {a book review}

This is a new series where I review a recent marriage book that I’ve read. I will do my best to be honest and constructive! This post does contain affiliate link(s). If you click through and make a purchase, we may receive a small commission. Read our privacy policy for more information.

Missing Pieces: Female Perspectives on Sex for Catholic Women

Since this is a book review, I have to start off by saying I personally know the author, Mary. We’ve been friends for over a decade now, and I’ve been so blessed to witness her journey. She did send me a copy of this book but did not ask me to write this post!

Missing Pieces will be a book I recommend to all engaged and newlywed couples, couples who are struggling in the bedroom (regardless of how long they’ve been married), and anyone who works in marriage ministry. I will explain why in a little bit, but I first need to explain something.

We should not be afraid to talk about sex

Some people will be uncomfortable reading this book. And that’s not because Mary has included anything contrary to Church teaching. It’s not because she writes about scandalous things. It’s because we, the Church, have been woefully silent on matters relating to sex and intimacy, especially from the female perspective. So reading about it may be a shock to some.

For others, though, it will be refreshing. We should not be afraid to talk about sex! As someone who works in marriage ministry, I know how many couples are struggling in this area. Many do not know who to turn to when they are having issues. Heck, people don’t even want to share their marriage struggles in general, much less when they have to do with sex.

This book would have been such a blessing to Logan and me in the early years of our marriage! While my journey has been pretty different from Mary, I too went into marriage with a lot of misconceptions and a big lack of knowledge. Thankfully, like Mary, I married a wonderful man, and we’ve grown so much through difficult conversations regarding intimacy. We’ve come to appreciate even more the beauty of God’s plan for a couple’s sexuality. But I daresay our journey would not have taken so long had we read this book or talked to people who had experienced similar situations.

This is a very easy and quick read! I love that Mary still manages to cover various topics, from the wedding night to a reminder that good sex doesn’t just happen, and a topic that we really need to talk about more often: distinguishing the difference between sacrificial love and denying our actual needs. There is a very wrong idea being shared in the online world that we need to sacrifice our own well-being in order to have sex with our spouse whenever he/she wants it, and there is so much more to that conversation that needs to be included, and Mary does a great job of covering it in chapter 4 of her book. I just had to include one paragraph here, which I’m sharing with her permission:

“No one in a healthy marriage needs to be commanded to have sex. Sex is appealing by nature. If it is not appealing to someone at any given time, there is a reason. When each spouse’s primary, emotional, and spiritual needs are being met, a natural extension will be sex at a frequency that makes sense for the individual couple. Spouses should focus on understanding each other so well and being able to communicate at such a depth that they both still feel deeply loved whether or not sex happens on any particular night.

That should be the goal rather than sex made to order.”

That message is so, so important!

If I had to critique this book, it would be nit-picky about things like the size of the font (too big for my preference) and that I did notice a couple of typos, which is likely because this book was self-published. But obviously those things did not take away from the content of the book. The cover, in addition, is beautiful!

I do hope this book helps people to feel more comfortable talking about intimacy. While I don’t think we need to share intimate details of our own marriage with others unless called to do so, we do need to feel comfortable to help others who are struggling in this area and to give them the resources they desperately need. This is especially important for clergy, marriage mentors, and all in marriage ministry.