10 Lessons from 10 Years of Marriage

We’re celebrating 10 years of marriage this month! We can hardly believe it’s been a decade since we walked down the aisle and committed ourselves to each other for the rest of our lives.

To celebrate, we’re giving away some resources to one lucky reader. Find the details in the bottom of this post! (Edited 6/15/19 to add: giveaway is now closed!)

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June 12, 2009

Since it’s been quite the adventure since our wedding day, we’ve learned quite a few things…and we’re still learning. Here are 10 lessons we’ve learned in 10 years of marriage (but honestly, we could put a lot more!):

  1. Always, always have fun together. Seriously. Being silly and laughing together is what has gotten us through some difficult times.
  2. You can’t change your spouse – you can only change yourself. Trying to change each other will only lead to frustration. But if we try to change ourselves first? That’s when growth happens. Ask us how we know…
  3. Take time away, regularly, with just the two of you. Date nights, retreats, you name it. One day your kids will be out of the house and you’ll be retired, and it’ll be just the two of you! So do everything you can to foster your relationship together.
  4. Just like most jobs require continuing education, so does your marriage. Read marriage books, attend marriage enrichment nights, read blog posts about marriage. There are so many awesome resources out there that can help you and your spouse grow closer together. (See our giveaway at the end of the post for some resources you can win!)
  5. Things are never as bad as they seem. Why yes, when you can’t stop fighting with each other, your kids are climbing the walls, and everything in your house seems to be breaking and in need of repair…life feels pretty overwhelming. But God works through all of that!
  6. A marriage consists of a husband, a wife, and God – and no one else. It’s important to set boundaries with other relationships, especially if they’re causing issues in your marriage.
  7. Everything comes down to communication. Share everything with each other, and don’t expect to be able to read each other’s minds.
  8. Prayer first, marriage second, and everything else will follow. We can’t do anything without God! If we put him first, our spouse second, then we will have the grace to do everything else.
  9. Every marriage is different…so don’t compare! Just because it’s more common for the women to cook and the men to handle finances, doesn’t mean you have to do the same in your marriage. Do whatever works best for your marriage! And forget the stereotypes.
  10. Small acts of love make a big difference. Fixing a cup of coffee for your spouse, texting a sweet message while one of you is at work, or letting your spouse sleep in while you handle breakfast with your kiddos. These small gestures really do help a marriage thrive, so remember to do them often!

What lesson would you add to our list?


Now for the giveaway! All of the following is provided by us and will go to one lucky winner:

  • Our Joy-filled Marriage: Couple’s Journal
  • Intimate Graces: How Practicing the Works of Mercy Brings Out the Best in Marriage by Teresa Tomeo and Dominick Pastore
  • Amazing Grace for Married Couples: 12 Life-Changing Stories of Renewed Love by Jeff Cavins, Matthew Pinto, and Patti Armstrong
  • The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts by Gary Chapman

There are several ways to enter via the Rafflecopter widget below. Good luck! (US residents only, please!)

Edited 6/15/19 to add: giveaway now closed!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

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15 thoughts on “10 Lessons from 10 Years of Marriage

  1. Build one another up. Always tell others about their best qualities. I always want people to know the best parts of my husband. He loves me, faults and all. I love him faults and all.

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  2. Don’t “keep score.” Only use the words “you always” in a positive way. And don’t say to men, “We need to talk!” Because they always panic!!!

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  3. I’m getting married in two weeks, so I can’t give advise on marriage yet, but one piece of relationship advice I have is express appreciation in for the little things.

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  4. Love these! I’m learning so much from y’all! I’m only 4 years into marriage so I still ha e a lot to learn! Haha! One huge thing I’ve learned in marriage, that God reinforces for me all the time, is the virtue of humility. Learning another person’s take on the world and his way of communication is such a challenge, but a good one. I have learned that I do not know everything all the time (haha yes it sadly took 4 years of marriage for me to realize this) and that my husband responds much more positively to me asking questions instead of shoving my answer down his throat. Actually investing time in figuring him out as a person has been an incredibly humbling and growing experience for me. Thank you guys for sharing your experience with us less experienced folks!

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    1. Ah, humility. That has definitely been something we’ve both struggled with, especially in the early years. But it really does make a huge difference to practice humility and admit that sometimes our spouse knows better. You figured it out before I did! 😉 (I think it will be a lifelong struggle, though, honestly…)

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  5. I love this list!! Thank you! Something that has really helped my husband has been family meetings. We sit down intentionally to talk through things. Instead of just mentioning problems in passing or in the heat of emotion, we work through it calmly with cups of coffee in hand 🙂 Our little girl is just four months old, so not sure yet if someday she’ll be a participant in family meetings.

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